I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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