i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
