are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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