Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
