me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
