Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
