Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
