Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
