I love having hate sex.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize