im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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