but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
