Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize