I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
