she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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