just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
