he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize