My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
