Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
