He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
