Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
