Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
