Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
