How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
