I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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