so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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