it was like his penis was on wheels.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
