He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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