have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
