Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
