Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
