Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
