the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
