my mouth tastes like poor choices
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
