You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
