I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize