We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
