I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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