i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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