if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
