I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
