just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
