I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize