Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
