Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
