im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
