I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
