ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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