I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
