dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
