Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize