Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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