if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
