I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize