I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
