No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need moral support for this bender
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
