Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She's the barista slut.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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