I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
