She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
