somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
