some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
