Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
