He is such a slut. More and more my type.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
