I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
