I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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