Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
