i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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