I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
