he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
