We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize