I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
