i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
