Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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