I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
