she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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