Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
