Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
