if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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