those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
