what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
